Seeds of Faith
By Angela
There are days when faith feels like a shield, and then there are days when it feels like a target. For five years, I walked into a workplace where the air felt heavy with tension and the words directed at me felt like stones. In those moments, I realized that humility isn't about being weak—it’s about finding a strength that the world doesn't understand.
One such challenge is facing verbal abuse, especially in the workplace. I have personally experienced bullying from a supervisor on a daily basis, which could have easily led me down a path of retaliation and anger. Yet, by embracing humility in these difficult times, I found strength to persevere without resentment or bitterness.
The 5-Year Journey: Shielded by Grace
Over a span of five years, I embarked on a profound journey of learning humility and obedience amid difficult circumstances. Initially, my work environment was friendly, but over time, that dynamic shifted dramatically. The verbal attacks began to surface, turning what was once a supportive relationship into a challenging ordeal.
During this period, I struggled with my faith; although I was familiar with the idea that God is always with us, I did not feel His presence in my life. Yet, God in His mercy protected my heart area. I can still hear and see what was happening. Did I want to retaliate? Yes, of course. But I felt a deep drive to remain calm.
"Through the protective presence of God surrounding my heart, I was able to perform my work with grace and without retaliation. I truly had to resign myself to God."
Detachment and Empathy
Understanding that my supervisor's behavior often stemmed from their own struggles allowed me to detach my self-worth from their words. This perspective was not easy to maintain, but it helped me respond with empathy rather than anger.
Forgiveness was a lengthy process. I often returned home crying out to God for help. It took time to understand that holding onto negative emotions would only harm me. Quitting my job was never an option, as recommended by my spiritual director; leaving could have led me into a situation potentially even more challenging. With this insight, I deepened my commitment to learning the virtues of humility and obedience.
The Dark Night: From Trial to Transformation
Looking back, I realize that those five years of "spiritual silence" and external pressure were part of a larger process. In Catholic spirituality, we often speak of the Purgative Way—a stage where God purifies our attachments and forces us to grow in true humility.
My experience of not "feeling" God despite my prayers was a form of the Dark Night. It wasn't an absence of God, but a deeper, more quiet form of His presence that was working to uproot my pride and strengthen my will. This journey from a beginner’s faith to a more refined, interior union is something every soul is called to.
If you feel like you are in a season of darkness or "dryness" in your prayer life, you may be transitioning through a vital stage of growth. I invite you to read more about the Stages of the Spiritual Journey to find clarity and hope in your own path.
